I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
