Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
