If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
