she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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