we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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