Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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