Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
