I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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