tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
