You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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