We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
