are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
