Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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