He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need water and some morals
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
