U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
