I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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