Say something about gay babies.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
