I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
