I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
