i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
