I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No stitches, just platelets and will power
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
