Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
