before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Randomize
