I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize