Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
