Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
