thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
