I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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