I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
