I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
