First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
