the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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