You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
