If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
