I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
