Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
