5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
