NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
