Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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