woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
