My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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