is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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