Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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