remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
