you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
