What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
