I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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