I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is Oprah even human
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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