I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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