Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
