You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
