Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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