it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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