she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
