I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
