My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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