There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
