it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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