This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Damn victory sex feels great
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
