I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize