my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
