when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
