I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
