My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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