the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
