My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think your dad took our porno
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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